Argument Topic

Wobbling off of the plane you stumble to the baggage claim trying to pop your ears. Your two suitcases bounce down the conveyer belt and you suddenly realize the lightness of your wallet from having to pay an extra $25 for purchasing your ticket on the phone, an added $50 for wanting extra leg room in a preferred seat, $20 for the extra suitcase you packed, another added luggage fee because both bags were over 50 pounds, and more money was expunged from paying for a snack, non-alcoholic beverage, meal, and blanket/pillow package. Now you wonder if flying is worth the cost since customer experience is no longer an issue for airline executives.

Airlines need to be more closely regulated, so patrons can be protected and have their interests protected when airline executives decide to add unnecessary fees and charges. Without close surveillance, companies can demand whatever prices and add policies that only benefit themselves without punishment. The Department of Transportation released a statement to USA TODAY “that it doesn’t have the authority to determine what an airline can charge for its services,” (Maynard 2).

Airlines have created an added fee to everything aspect of flying--purchasing a ticket, loading luggage, and perks that were once complimentary, snacks, meals, all beverages, etc. To avoid paying an added fee for a ticket, one would have to go to the counter; procuring a ticket by phone or internet can cost up to $25 extra (Source 5). Once a ticket is obtained, more money can be expected to vanish throughout the remainder of the voyage. Airlines also give no leeway on wanting to cancel a flight or change the time of the original flight--doing so can cost up to $150 (Stoller 7). Then, desiring to fly during popular occasions --Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, and spring break--can expect to pay an additional $10 to the ticket price (Maynard 3). Thankfully, the first bag checked for most flights is free, American, Hawaiian, Northwest, Spirit, and United will charge up to $25 for the first suitcase, but each additional piece of luggage will be charged up to $252 (Stoller 6). Packing a suitcase that exceeds 50 pounds will add at most another $125 to the total overall cost (Maynard 1). While on the actual flight, if a passenger still has money left in their wallet can expect to pay for every extra necessity that was once complimentary--non-alcoholic and alcoholic drinks, meals, snacks, pillows and blankets, etc. (“Ten Reasons” 6). Marc Belsher, a healthcare consultant is angered by the underhanded tactics of airlines, “Give me the price of the ticket, let me make an informed decision and don’t anger me by nickel-and-diming me on every bloody charge,” (Stoller 3). Democratic Representative James L. Oberstar pegged exactly what airlines are hoping to accomplish with the extra costs and high fees, “...a backdoor way to raise ticket prices,” (Maynard 2).

Executives justify their prices by teaching passengers how to pack and making up for the increase in jet fuel cost and believing that the passenger controls their own cost of travel from ordering extra amenities. “‘Instead of raising every fare in response to ever increasing fuel prices, our new luggage policy gives passengers the opportunity to control their cost of travel by packing lighter,’ says Barry Biffle, Spirit’s senior vice president, (Stoller 1). Art Van Bodegraven, a management consultant, agrees with the new luggage policy, “It’s high time [United began charging]...Overweight vacationers on bargain fares, sloppy packers, and poor planners have been riding free, baggage-wise, for too long,” (Stoller 2). Sometimes multiple luggage isn’t a case of not knowing how to pack or packing too much; passengers traveling long-term will naturally need to have more clothing depending on how long the trip is which makes extra luggage fees unreasonable and unacceptable. The new policies and rate changes are expected to accumulate $100 million annually and most of the cost savings will come from burning less fuel from having less baggage weight in the cargo hold (Stoller 2). Executives then blame the patron for added comforts claiming that they racked up their own bill. These fees are from “an a la carte restaurant menu, allowing passengers to choose what they want as part of their trip,” (Maynard 2). Of course this method works because if a flight is over a few hours people are naturally going to want food and drinks, not to mention international flights that can last numerous hours. In this respect, airlines have no excuse except cheating passengers by being dirty handed. “We have been aggressive and creative,” said John Tague, president of United Airlines.

What management fails to acknowledge is the decrease in airline travel. During the strongest quarter for travel, between July and September, the nine biggest airlines lost $236 million (Maynard 3). Revenue from business travelers, a main source of income, was down 25 percent in the third quarter after a total 40 percent from earlier in the year (Maynard 4). “Not only are the airlines pricing themselves out of existence, but they’re offending our sense of fairness in the process, thereby accelerating the alienation between their customers and themselves,” (“Ten Reasons” 7).

Although the airlines are blatantly robbing passengers with no remorse, some charges do contain credible reasoning. Increasing jet fuel prices and unnecessary packing choices provide defense for some charges. Numerous vacationers travel with suitcases filled with clothing and an extra bag to pack with souvenirs. Charging an extra fee for processing an empty suitcase is reasonable because space and effort are being used for a bag with nothing in it. Otherwise, fees for luggage should be eradicated because many passengers may need all of the items they pack. As for rising fuel costs, passengers would be more understanding of escalating prices if the money was towards fuel, but patrons know the difference between paying what is owed and being asked to overpay.

Airlines can charge whatever prices the executives desire with no punishment, robbing and alienating customers in the process. Taking advantage of circumstances such as having to pay for an onboard meal is despicable and how an interference hasn’t occurred is an outrage. Now I wonder: what other companies get away with cheating customers using deceptive ploys and outrageous charges with no interference?

Argument Topic

Standardizing the world. Why can't ordinary, everyday devices and aspects of life be the same from country to country? International travel is a hassle because of different currency, languages, vehicles, units (metric versus english), and even power outlets. I will be arguing that the globe should try to unite under similar concepts and with this communication and travel, etc. will be easier than it is now.

Template C

1. I plan on using a personal experience as a way to paint a picture and allow the reader to almost experience what it is like to attend class in room 206. Obviously the source of the information is me and it’s credible not only because I find myself to be a credible source, but because I experience the conditions of this room twice a week and I can compare room 206 to another stadium seating room in classroom building 1. Having me describe the room will hopefully enable the readers to determine what I’m reviewing.
2. I haven’t written my thesis yet. The thesis will come together as my paper comes together.
3. Criteria for my essay include quality of learning inside of the building, quality of surroundings and furnishings, how this building compares to others on campus, and safety of the building.

4. I imagine on possible rebuttal could be that for many people interiors of classrooms don’t compare to the lack of parking on campus, etc. I would counter argue that the best learning conditions should surpass everything else because education is the sole purpose of college and students should be provided with the best educational atmosphere possible (especially for the amount of money students pay to attend UCF).

Template B

Four important criteria concerning the evaluation of room 206 in the Math and Physics building include the quality of learning, quality of surroundings and furnishings, how this building compares to others on campus, and if the building is safe.

Quality of learning is possibly the most important criteria for this review because as a university the number one priority should be the the education students receive. If a university has the means of updating the conditions in which students learn they should. I as a student hate having to learn in bottom of the barrel conditions because the dreary, dilapidated conditions don’t encourage me to learn. Room 206 is dark and rundown and makes me tired and focus on other things rather than learning my professors lesson.

Quality of surroundings connects with the quality of learning and the reasons I mentioned above. It’s unsatisfactory that the upholstery on seats is worn and springs are sticking through the holes. When a classroom is falling down and wearing out I as the student don’t feel like a top priority. If I were, the classroom I go to learn in would be in better condition.

If all of the buildings at UCF were older and the school didn’t have the funds to repair the damage to the classrooms, the decrepit atmosphere would not be as big of a deal as it is, but seeing as UCF is a top notch school and I assume possesses sufficient funds, repairing a few classrooms should not be a major deal.

I often wonder how old the Math and Physics building is. I assume the building is fairly old based on the classrooms, but I wonder if the building structure itself is safe. I sat in a chair with a spring sticking out and maybe I was fortunate that the spring only cut my shirt instead of me.

Plagiarism Workshop

1. 3.5 They have the potential to copy off of one another because they used the same articles and books. If they chose not to use the same resources it wouldn't be as serious.  

2. 0 You're not plagiarizing anyone. Both assignments are different and will need to be written differently. 

3. 3.5 You don't copy anyone's answer directly, but you're using their opinions and basically rewording them to make them more "authentic". 

4. 2.5 The format would be similar, but the information within the assignment is different therefore not plagiarism. It has the potential to be plagiarism.

Austin Thomas

Jade Freeman

Template A

Values: Seeing as I’m reviewing old vs. new buildings, my audience could be interested in education and concerned with the poor quality and deteriorating atmosphere of some buildings. 

Social Needs: Their friends could be interested in certain conditions as well. It’s odd for a top notch school to have such ancient interiors in a popular building, but have all new furnishings in another building. 

Cognitive Needs: Benefits could be that students may have an easier time learning in a new building because the seats are more comfortable and the lighting isn’t so dim. I myself find it depressing to be in an old, rundown building. 

Review Topic

For the review assignment I plan on comparing the auditorium seating in the Math and Physics Building room 206 compared to Classroom Building room 121 auditorium seating. In addition to the two rooms I spend a significant amount of time in, I also plan to compare the buildings as a whole--MAP is an old, dated building and the seats in 206 alone are are old and the fabric is torn with springs poking through the holes while everything in CL1 121 appears new. It's sad that in a building almost every student will have to visit is in disarray; especially at a top ranked school where reupholstering a few seats should be a low-key, easy task. 

Intro and Thesis Paragraph

Anxiety, enthusiasm, and awe surrounded me my first day at UCF. All I could do was walk around with a big smile on my face trying to absorb every detail and fleck of craziness that engulfed campus. The day was extremely hot with the sun beating on my shoulders and a soft breeze gliding through my hair. Walking through the Student Union was the most hectic aspect of the afternoon. I had seldom been surrounded by so many people in my life. My ears tingled with the buzz of meaningless chatter, music, and club leaders shouting the main ideas of their select group and shoving flyers in my hands. Yelling the benefits of marijuana and crusading to try to make pot legal made me laugh out loud-- not because I was completely against the cause, but instead because where I'm from no one would dare fight for an ideal so radical. Most people sauntering through the area expressed no interest in the objective, others nodded their heads in agreement, and more conservative students shook their heads in disagreement to the outlandish statements.

I never felt like I belonged in my hometown of Jackson, Missouri, a small town near the boot-heel along the murky, brown Mississippi River. Jackson is a guarded, simple town with certain, basic expectations. The entire town gathers and squeezes into the high shcool football stadium ever Friday night home game and before school started the inhabitants would participate in a small carnival-like celebration called Home-comers; if one didnt attend either event, it was severely looked down upon. Jackson is also around 95% republican and if one happened to be part of the 5% that signed onto the ballot as a democrat would never admit it--proclaiming such information as having favor with a democratic candidate is grounds for flogging and a public stoning. Nothing radical ever occurs in Jackson. The high school graduating class of 2008 decided to camp out on the football field as a sort of prank and the school had the police arrive and escort everyone away. The hamlet in general is simple and possesses certain expectations.

Arriving onto campus shook my entire world and dropped it upside down--I love it. I relish the freedom of ideas and being able to participate in crazy activities like Tent City. I can actively voice my opinion on an issue instead of burying it inside of me like a treasure chest. Small towns with a strong community of white Christians are primarily conservative and strangle any liberal opinions someone else might possess. Only when one escapes from the restrictive atmosphere do new ideas and concepts become experienced due to different ethnicities and religions. Now, strict older generations are fading and free-thinking youths are overshadowing traditional ideals.

Commentary Outline

Commentary Assignment Outline

Intro- Experiencing a college/liberal atmosphere for the first time. I was intimidated and overwhelmed by the chaos occurring everywhere. 

Body Paragraph 1- Describe life in a small town in Missouri. With this I hope it will show contrast between the intro and the 1st body paragraph. The intro paragraph demonstrates the unfamiliar surroundings and changes I experienced at UCF contrasting with the uptight, familiar atmosphere of Jackson. Being at UCF was abnormal to me. THESIS STATEMENT. Conservativeness of small towns versus liberalness of large cities and universities and what the general cause or reasoning may be for this trend. How this trend is changing-- older generation ideals are dwindling as younger generations are becoming larger and their ideas are overpowering older concepts. 

Body Para 2-Second unfamiliar experience at UCF and how that contrasts with a similar experience in MO. 

Body Para 3-Explain and support why larger cities tend to be more liberal vs. conservative small towns. This particular issue holds the country back in aspects. I, for example, only heard one side of the story--the conservative side. When a lot of students graduate and move on to college, they change their beliefs because they’ve heard and analyzed the other side of the story. 

SUPPORT:

~larger towns have a larger population of black people (i.e liberal views)(Liberal Cities, or Black Cities?) 

~More religious diversity in larger cities (Christian beliefs trigger conservative ideology) This evidence between the first bullet and second will hopefully explain why Jackson, Missouri and other small towns around the country tend to be more conservative, while larger cities/college campuses are more liberal. Jackson is primarily a white, christian community and UCF has a myriad of cultures and religions residing on campus presenting more liberal views. 

~Possibly discuss younger generation ideals versus older generation beliefs. This point will demonstrate the changing atmosphere of smaller towns. Jackson’s youth were primarily liberal which threw off the previous Jackson trend of conservatism in the area. 

Conclusion 

~Quick wrap up of my opinion of the situation. 

Analyzing a Commentary

1. What is the trend or situation on which the commentary focuses?

-The FCC is more lenient towards certain programs and networks, and certain things are considered to be more acceptable on certain networks.  This particular event is concerning public nudity that is displayed on different networks and how the audience reacts to such phenomena, for certain events are reacted to differently depending upon when and where they occur. 

2. Does the author give the reader an interesting introduction to the issue? Why or why not?

-The author introduces a perfect example to the reader; The Jackson/Timberlake incident from the Superbowl halftime show.  He then expands on how this issue has escalated since this particular event occurred.  Poniewozik's introduction leads to him to give specific examples of the FCC reacting differently to certain events, just as the viewing public does as well.

3. Does the author explain the context of the issue? How in-depth does he or she go? What do you think this signifies regarding the intended audience of the commentary?

-Poniewozik goes extremely in-depth by utilizing multiple examples, facts, and quotes; showing both sides of the argument.   The commentary is not a one-sided argument and appeals to both sides of the audience.  However, his commentary may appeal to a more mature audience that may view the events at a deeper level than just being "obscene".

4. What are the possible causes of the trend or situation the author explores?

-The changing of the times has led to the FCC requiring stricter policy implementation.  Nowadays, for an artist to become popular, they must appeal to the general public through showing themselves on the verge of nudity.  To compensate for this, the FCC must regulate certain events and networks stricter than others, depending on the intended audience.  Obviously Nickelodeon and MTV, who have a younger viewing audience, will be regulated much stricter than the Lifetime Movie Channel.

5. What examples or observations does the author give to back their belief that these are the possible causes?

-The author gives examples of other television shows and events that would have been considered "equally offensive" by the FCC, but were never shined upon with the same light.  He also writes about the nudity that exists within today's commercials and media.  Nudity is utilized by the media because it gets people's attention, and many of today's most popular shows like Survivor expose a lot of nudity.

6. What is the author's stance on the topic?

-The author did not find the "Superbowl incident" to be offensive, for there are plenty other incidents that are equally unacceptable that went unnoticed.

7. What significance does the author see in this trend or situation?

-Poniewozik views the subject matter as insignificant, but focuses rather on the audience's reaction to the specific events as well as how the FCC treats certain networks differently.  He views the problem as a whole and not only relating to the single Superbowl event.

Austin Thomas

Adam Stern

Jade Freeman

Letter to Friend and 5 Questions

Five Questions My Commentary Might Answer

1. Why do smaller towns tend to be more conservative over larger cities/ universities? 
2. Why are certain acts severely looked down upon if they cause no damage or if it is an opinion?

It conflicts with their own values, opinions, and beliefs.

1. Are the abstract ideas and concepts of larger cities a contributing factor to why people might want to move there over small towns?

Yes

1. Are small towns becoming more liberal throughout time and the changing with government or do towns stay conservative?

Yes

1. Do the younger generations that tend to be more liberal conflict with the conservative, older generations?    

Chyeaaaaaa

1.How do you know what you know? (evidence)

How the town was created. If the creators were created during a more liberal time(Great Depression). 

1. Who are you to the subject? (perspective)

I am a person who lived in a small town, but wasn’t as separated.

3.How is this even connected to other events? (patterns or opposing forces)

Voting

1. What if things were different? (suppositions/predictions)

Voting would be closer. It would not be a one sided argument. 

5.Why is this important? (significance)

It affects the voting outcome which in turn could change the form of certain policies that are one sided.

Hey Coco!

I love UCF and all of the wild aspects and peculiar experiences that have taken place. The complexity and unexpectedness makes Jackson seem even more plain and ordinary than I remember. Three experiences I plan on exploring in my composition paper is my first day at school when a club was fighting to convince people of the benefits of legalizing marijuana, and Tent City, and a random guy in a lime green jump suit that covered every inch of his body, including his face, and holding a bunch of green balloons.

I remember how awkward, scared, and intimidated I was my first day of school witnessing mayhem I wasn’t accustomed to. Walking through the front of the student union was the most chaotic event I had witnessed in a long time. At least eight organizations crowded around the entrance shoving flyers at me and chanting the main points of their club. Screaming the benefits and crusading to legalize marijuana was by far the funniest ,and my favorite, organization.  I had never been so close to a cause so rebellious. Jackson would never allow an activity so irresponsible to continue.  

Arriving onto campus shook my entire world and dropped it upside down--I loved it. I loved the freedom of ideas and being able to participate in crazy activities like Tent City. I am Alice and UCF my Wonderland.  

I trudged from parking garage D to classroom building one on slow Monday morning dreading that I was going to math instead of sleeping. About halfway to my destination, I lifted my head and observed about 10-15 tents set up on one of the grassy plains in Memory Mall. Seeing this odd display reminded me of the seniors getting escorted from the football field and I figured it was only a matter of time before this group of rambunctious students were told to vacate the area. To my surprise, the next morning the cluster of tents were sitting on the dewy grass. While other students merely walked past unimpressed, I was drinking the experience in wishing I were a participant in Tent City.

My focus at this point is to compare the radical experiences on campus versus the close-minded, guarded atmosphere of Jackson. Do you remember the strict rules and odd expectations of our town? Home-comers, Friday night football games, and the night all of the 2008 graduating seniors were escorted home from camping on the football field all seem to contradict the imperturbable feel of campus. Do you have any idea why those seniors were told to leave the football field when they weren’t causing any damage? (Other than trespassing) Do you feel that younger generations conflict with older generations because their ideals tend to be more easy-going? I want to figure out why Jackson and other towns around ours were more conservative where as larger towns and universities all tend to be extremely liberal. Do you have any idea of why that might be? I kind of want to focus on the extreme conservative feel of Jackson and contrast that with the liberalness of a campus atmosphere or even a large city and ponder if there is any connection between the two. 

 

Commentary Assignment-Assignment for October 1,2009

1. Legalization of marijuana, Tent City, the guy in the green spandex suit with the green balloons. 
2. Seeing Michael Jordan
3. UCF trying to break a world record by giving the most flu shots in one day. 

Anxiety, enthusiasm, and awe surrounded me the first day of college. All I could do was walk around with a big smile on my face trying to absorb every detail and fleck of craziness that engulfed campus. It was an extremely hot day with the sun beating on my shoulders slowly rewarding me with a nice bronze color. Walking through the Student Union was the most hectic aspect of the afternoon. I had seldom been surrounded by so many people in my life. My ears tingled with the buzz of meaningless chatter, music, and club leaders shouting the main ideas of their select group. Yelling the benefits of marijuana and crusading to try to make pot legal made me laugh out loud--not because I was completely against the cause, but instead because where I’m from no one would dare fight for a cause so radical. Most people sauntering through the area expressed no interest in the cause, others nodded their heads in agreement, and more conservative students  shook their heads in disagreement to the outlandish statements. 

I never felt like I belonged in my hometown of Jackson, Missouri, a small town near the boot heal along the murky Mississippi River. Jackson is a guarded, simple town with certain, basic expectations. The entire town would gather and squeeze into the high school football stadium every Friday night home game and before school started the inhabitants would participate in a small carnival-like celebration called Homecomers; if one didn’t attend either event, it was severely looked down upon. Jackson was also around 95% republican and if one happened to be part of the %5 that signed onto the ballot as a democrat would never admit it--proclaiming such information as having favor with a democratic candidate is grounds for flogging and a public stoning. Nothing radical ever occurred in Jackson. The high school graduating class of 2008 decided to camp out on the football field as a sort of prank and the school had the police arrive and escort everyone away. The hamlet in general was simple. 

Arriving onto campus shook my entire world and dropped it upside down--I loved it. I loved the freedom of ideas and being able to participate in crazy activities like Tent City. I am Alice and UCF my Wonderland.  

I trudged from parking garage to classroom building one on a slow Monday morning dreading that I was going to math instead of sleeping. About halfway to my destination, I lifted my head and observed about 10-15 tents set up on one of the grassy plains in Memory Mall. Seeing this odd display reminded me of the seniors getting escorted from the football field and I figured it was only a matter of time before this group of rambunctious students were told to vacate the area. To my surprise, the next morning the cluster of tents were sitting on the dewy grass. While other students merely walked past unimpressed, I was drinking the experience in wishing I were a participant in Tent City.   Alice was loving Wonderland more than she anticipated she would. 

Memoir Assignment-Final Draft

The Attitude of Red Shoes

When I wanted to wear red shoes, I wore red shoes. For a significant amount of time my wardrobe was centered around matching red shoes. At a young age I was especially unorthodox and spunky.  When I wanted to wear my red shoes to bed I did and my parents woke up to find me asleep with red shoes covering my feet. My childhood shenanigans often led me to learn the hard way that complete control over anything is unlikely and overconfidence is seldom beneficial --like when my cockiness led to a nose bleed and a Jeep catastrophe.   

Being a headstrong child, I seldom desired to complete tasks and play the way an ordinary child might. Craving more excitement than the world of Barbie, I leapt up from the floor of my playroom one afternoon and began to make my way to the garage to retrieve my child-sized, battery powered Jeep. Desiring to make the afternoon more exciting, I  decided I was savvy enough to be able to make my way outside with my eyes closed. Squeezing my eyes shut, I confidently began walking towards the door. Being completely sure I had passed through the doorway, I veered right ready to saunter through the kitchen. Unfortunately for me, my calculations were off and I slammed into the wall. My Mom, hearing a loud thud through the wall, ran and saw me laying on the ground with blood on my face. Hardly aware of what happened, I emerged from my stupor dazed not knowing what had occurred-- apparently I blacked out for a few seconds and managed to give myself a bloody nose. 

Viewing my last eye-closed adventure as a fluke, I decided to try maneuvering blind a second time. Opening the garage door with an air of attitude, I gazed at my toy treasure: my forest green Jeep with shimmering orange and yellow flames running down the side and metallic silver wheels and roll bar . With a smile that covered half of my face I approached the Jeep and threw the door open and climbed into the driver’s seat. Thrusting the transmission into reverse, I peeled down the driveway and gunned my Jeep into the backyard. 

Our house had a fairly large back yard with a red, rundown shed in the back hand corner, a white and dark green striped swing set that occupied the middle of the yard, and a large tree that stood about ten feet from the swing. This particular tree was powerful. It had a large circumference of about five feet and had survived numerous tornado encounters that destroyed large areas of southern Missouri every year, building it up to be the tallest and most intimidating tree in the neighborhood. The tree’s roots had even broken my friend’s arm when he fell onto them from the swings.  

Pinching my eyes closed for a second time, I slammed my foot on the gas peddle and tore through the lumpy terrain of my backyard. All of a sudden, I felt a lurch and heard a loud thud. My Jeep had stopped moving. I pushed on the gas, but I could only feel the vibration of the plastic wheels rotating, unable to go anywhere, and hear the whirr of the battery desperately trying to move my vehicle. Afraid to witness what had happened, I slowly opened my eyes. My Jeep was almost completely vertical against the tree and I didn’t know what to do. Completely traumatized that I had killed my toy, I ran to the house in tears for Mom to help me. Thankfully my Jeep lived to be driven another day, but after obtaining a bloody nose and almost ruining my favorite toy, I decided it was best to play with my eyes open. 

Although I’ve grown physically, my personality and all of it’s quirks remains with me today--minus driving with my eyes closed because that would be a disaster waiting to happen.  Now 14 years later I’m still one of the cockiest people alive, crave control, and hate when circumstances don’t turn out the way I planned them. When I was four, an outside force quickly put me back in my place explaining to me, “No. Don’t be so bold to think that you can do anything you want, you can’t always have your way, and you don’t possess complete control over numerous aspects of your life.” I didn’t enjoy the realization of this, but I learned the lesson a second time on the high school tennis team with Coach Brummel. I love playing tennis and I know I’m a good player, so everyday whether it be game day or ordinary, back-breaking, muscle aching practice, I always strutted on the court as if I were the best player that ever lived and fortunately one story rings through my memory as one of the few positive experiences that resulted from being cocky. 

Coach Brummel is tall and as skinny as the posts of the fence that surrounded the courts. He always wore swim trunks, a basic t-shirt, and a baseball cap to practice and frequently stood with his hands on his hips and turned his left foot outward. I will forever remember Coach Brummel as one of the few enemies I encountered in high school. No matter how much I improved over a given summer, I would only advance in ranking one place, when I should’ve jumped at least two or three over a few of his favorite players. Despite this, I still had an overconfident attitude. 

Tension was always the main feeling throughout the members of the tennis team each fall because we frequently had to compete against each other praying we’d mercilessly bump the girl ahead of us down and occupy her spot. One extremely hot afternoon, my doubles partner Kaylyn and I were challenging the doubles team ahead of us. We walked onto the smoldering hot green and red tennis court, sun scorching  our backs giving us a tan most people dream of obtaining in a tanning bed, completely calm about the upcoming match. We were too cocky to even give the competition a second thought. This particular game we decided to entertain ourselves in a different way. Instead of applying extra back-spin and running the ball down the ally line creating harder shots, we would try a verbal game. 

“I really don’t care about this match,” I whined. 

“I don’t either, but we should at least have fun,” said Kaylyn excitedly. 

“How do we do that?”

“How about we talk in different accents.”

“Sounds good to me govna. How about after the match we drink a spot of tea. I’ll be terribly parched.”

“And after that we should throw some shrimp on the barbie,” retorted Kaylyn happily. 

The ridiculous banter continued for the entirety of the match. We were both too egotistical to notice that we were destroying the confidence of our competitors defeating them 8-2.  

 

Thrilled we had advanced to a varsity rank, we bounced over to Brummel to receive our victory speech. In reality, we heard an insincere talk about “how good we did and how even girls of a lower rank can gather themselves to beat a higher ranked team.” Later, Kaylyn and I learned that Brummel had absolutely no hope for our team winning and originally wrote our competitors as the winners giving them a “I can’t believe you lost to them” speech. In exchange for playing a good game, we got to play that same couple three other times and never had the chance to challenge the doubles team ranked ahead of us. 

I still trot onto tennis courts with a smug look on my face as if I were going to compete in Wimbledon and I remember with a smile my little green Jeep that was the coolest toy on the planet. I haven’t transformed much from when I was a child, but I do ponder circumstances more closely and I’ve learned that life is always filled with unexpected twists. Whenever I get too cocky, I always flashback to a goofy kid sitting in her Jeep positioned halfway up a tree. 

Memoir 1st Draft

When I wanted to wear red shoes, I wore red shoes. For a significant amount of time my wardrobe was centered around matching red shoes. At a young age I was especially unorthodox and spunky.  When I wanted to wear my red shoes to bed I did and my parents woke up to find me asleep with red shoes covering my feet. My childhood shenanigans often led me to learn the hard way that complete control over anything is unlikely and overconfidence is seldom beneficial --like when my cockiness led to a nose bleed and a Jeep catastrophe.   

Being a headstrong child, I seldom desired to complete tasks and play the way an ordinary child might. Craving more excitement than the world of Barbie, I leapt up from the floor of my playroom one afternoon and began to make my way to the garage to retrieve my child-sized, battery powered Jeep. Desiring to make the afternoon more exciting, I  decided I was savvy enough to be able to make my way outside with my eyes closed. Squeezing my eyes shut, I confidently began walking towards the door. Being completely sure I had passed through the doorway, I veered right ready to saunter through the kitchen. Unfortunately for me, my calculations were off and I slammed into the wall. My Mom, hearing a loud thud through the wall, ran and saw me laying on the ground with blood on my face. Hardly aware of what happened, I emerged from my stupor dazed not knowing what had occurred-- apparently I blacked out for a few seconds and managed to give myself a bloody nose. 

Viewing my last eye-closed adventure as a fluke, I decided to try maneuvering blind a second time. Opening the garage door with an air of attitude, I gazed at my toy treasure: my forest green Jeep with shimmering orange and yellow flames running down the side and metallic silver wheels and roll bar . With a smile that covered half of my face I approached the Jeep and threw the door open and climbed into the driver’s seat. Thrusting the transmission into reverse, I peeled down the driveway and gunned my Jeep into the backyard. 

Our house had a fairly large back yard with a red, rundown shed in the back hand corner, a white and dark green striped swing set that occupied the middle of the yard, and a large tree that stood about ten feet from the swing. This particular tree was powerful. It had a large circumference of about five feet and had survived numerous tornado encounters that destroyed large areas of southern Missouri every year, building it up to be the tallest and most intimidating tree in the neighborhood. The tree’s roots had even broken my friend’s arm when he fell onto them from the swings.  

Pinching my eyes closed for a second time, I slammed my foot on the gas peddle and tore through the lumpy terrain of my backyard. All of a sudden, I felt a lurch and heard a loud thud. My Jeep had stopped moving. I pushed on the gas, but I could only feel the vibration of the plastic wheels rotating, unable to go anywhere, and hear the whirr of the battery desperately trying to move my vehicle. Afraid to witness what had happened, I slowly opened my eyes. My Jeep was almost completely vertical against the tree and I didn’t know what to do. Completely traumatized that I had killed my toy, I ran to the house in tears for Mom to help me. Thankfully my Jeep lived to be driven another day, but after obtaining a bloody nose and almost ruining my favorite toy, I decided it was best to play with my eyes open. 

Although I’ve grown physically, my personality and all of it’s quirks remains with me today--minus driving with my eyes closed because that would be a disaster waiting to happen.  Now 14 years later I still crave control and hate when circumstances don’t turn out the way I planned them. When I was four, an outside force quickly put me back in my place explaining to me, “No. You can’t always have your way and you don’t possess complete control over numerous aspects of your life.” I didn’t enjoy the realization of this, but I learned the lesson a second time on the high school tennis team with Coach Brummel. 

Coach Brummel is tall and as skinny as the posts of the fence that surrounded the courts. He always wore swim trunks, a basic t-shirt, and a baseball cap to practice and frequently stood with his hands on his hips and turned his left foot outward. I will forever remember Coach Brummel as one of the few enemies I encountered in high school. No matter how much I improved over a given summer, I would only advance in ranking one place, when I should’ve jumped at least two or three over a few of his favorite players. 

Tension was always the main feeling throughout the members of the tennis team each fall because we frequently had to compete against each other praying we’d mercilessly bump the girl ahead of us down and occupy her spot. One extremely hot afternoon, my doubles partner Kaylyn and I were challenging the doubles team ahead of us. We walked onto the smoldering hot green and red tennis court, sun scorching  our backs giving us a tan most people dream of obtaining in a tanning bed, completely calm about the upcoming match. Not expecting to move ahead, these two girls were above us in ranking, we acted like fools during the match neglecting to act serious. We’d exchange silly catch phrases in whatever foreign accent we were portraying such as, “Would you please give me a spot of tea?” and “After the match we should go throw some shrimp on the barbie.” Because of our ridiculous behavior we ended up destroying the confidence of our competitors and defeating them 8-2. 

Thrilled we had advanced to a varsity rank, we bounced over to Brummel to receive our victory speech. In reality, we heard an insincere talk about “how good we did and how even girls of a lower rank can gather themselves to beat a higher ranked team.” Later, Kaylyn and I learned that Brummel had absolutely no hope for our team winning and originally wrote our competitors as the winners giving them a “I can’t believe you lost to them” speech. In exchange for playing a good game, we got to play that same couple three other times and never had the chance to challenge the doubles team ranked ahead of us. 

Although Brummel treated me unfairly multiple times throughout my high school tennis career, I learned a valuable lesson from him and from my childhood drama about how confidence is often misplaced and life doesn’t always occur the way one would expect it to. Whether it be an adult not giving an expected rank or the forces of nature saying that a child should not be so confident that they feel they can do whatever they want--control and expectations are not always fulfilled and life is always filled with unexpected twists. 

Memo to Prof. Moody

To: Prof. Moody

From: Jade Freeman

From reading my peer editing sheet, I hope in my final draft to include dialogue to increase interest in my story. Also, after I finish the narrative about my childhood mishap, I intend to tell a story from when I was in high school to create a parallel between my adult self and my child self relaying that the same lesson can be learned multiple times in one lifetime. I plan on dedicating the second part of my paper to this because the tennis team was a big part of my high school career and Coach Brummel especially made me have to live with the unexpected events in life. Although Brummel was not a positive influence on me, he enabled me to realize a lot about myself. I’ve never had to deal with working hard and not reaping the rewards and Brummel allowed me to witness that not all hard work is rewarded and again establish the unexpected events in life. I expected to receive a higher singles ranking on the team, but instead got the same ranking as the year before and moved ahead in doubles ranking instead.

As for revising, I plan to travel throughout the paper and make sure I have used plenty of description and creating visuals that can enable to reader to see what I am describing and see in my head. I also want to make sure I keep the same verb tense throughout the flashback section of my paper because it is very easy at times to slip from present tense to past tense without realizing I did so.  

Introduction Paragraph

Memoir Opening Paragraph Brainstorm (notebook paper from Thursday September 10)

I have decided that my opening paragraph will be a description of myself as a child. This paragraph will include background characteristics to allow the reader to have some insight to how I was as a child. 

-Head-strong -Liked being in control -Determined -Unorthodox

-Spunky -Wanted what I wanted

-When I wanted to wear red shoes, I wore red shoes. For a significant amount of time my wardrobe was centered on matching red shoes. 

-I hope being able to paint a picture of how I was as a child will help the reader be able to understand how the circumstances that occurred came to be. I want the reader to know how I was as a child and be able to connect what happened to me with my personality and possibly be able to relate to doing something as silly when they were a child. 

First Draft Introduction Paragraph and 1st Body Paragraph

When I wanted to wear red shoes, I wore red shoes. For a significant amount of time my wardrobe was centered around matching red shoes. At a young age I was especially unorthodox and spunky.  When I wanted to wear my red shoes to bed I did and my parents woke up to find me asleep with red shoes covering my feet.

Being a headstrong child, I seldom desired to complete tasks and play the way an ordinary child might. Craving more excitement than the world of Barbie, I leapt up from the floor of my playroom and began making my way to the garage to retrieve my child-sized, battery powered Jeep. Desiring to make the afternoon more exciting, I  decided I was savvy enough to be able to make my way outside with my eyes closed. Squeezing my eyes shut, I confidently began walking towards the door. Being completely sure I had passed through the doorway, I veered right ready to saunter through the kitchen. Unfortunately for me, my calculations were off and I slammed into the wall. My Mom, hearing a loud thud through the wall, ran and saw me laying on the ground with blood on my face. Hardly aware of what happened, I emerged from my stupor dazed not knowing what had occurred-- apparently I blacked out for a few minutes and managed to give myself a bloody nose. 

Invention Process

1.  Running into a wall and getting a nosebleed and driving my toy Jeep with my eyes closed. 

• From these experiences I learned valuable lessons. I've learned that sometimes circumstances don't turn out like I expect, to think of the consequences of my actions, and that life is unpredictable.
• These experiences provided lessons that still resonate with me today.

2. Tennis team with Coach Brummel.

• Brummel was an unfair tennis coach who often elevated the status of team players he favored. Unfortunately for me, I was not one of his favorite players. My doubles player and I never go to challenge ahead of our ranking after we defeated a couple of girls he liked. Many of my experiences from the team include instances similar to this one.
• The mistreatment I received from Coach Brummel taught me that life isn't always fair and you won't always get recognition for a job well done. The experiences taught me to always work hard despite everything.

3. Refusing to compete in a swim meet when I was 10.  

• I first joined the city swim team when I was 10 years old and had never had to compete against others before. My first swim meet, I was terrified and refused to swim. Later on, my parents discussed the issue with me and I learned the importance of teamwork and what actions I take have an effect on others.
  
• The most important lesson I learned from this experience is that my actions can take a toll on others without me realizing it.